Queen Elizabeth II May Make Diamond Jubilee Visit to St. John

By Rowan Adkinson
Special to St. John Tradewinds

During an official Diamond Jubilee visit to the British Virgin Islands, Queen Elizabeth II is planning an unofficial visit to St. John. 

The demands of the four-month-long grand tour of the 16 countries that once made up the British Empire will leave the queen in search of a place to escape, revive and relax. The Diamond Jubilee Celebrations Committee announced that since she will be so close, the Queen and her retinue will sweep over to St. John after the Tortola parade on Sunday, April 1.

Queen spokesman, Fred Mercury, said that while most energetic celebrations would raise the dead, Her Majesty just wanted a place to be quiet. In search of something between a plywood-galvanized shack and a faux Santa Barbara mansion, Mr. Mercury found Seashore, the lovely home of Niles and Susan Chair. 

Mrs. Chair said she would be delighted for the Queen to kick off her low heels and drop her purse and wide-brimmed hat for the three days starting April 1. 

“I know we can make her comfortable,” said Chair. “I have always loved pastels. We hope her troubles will be miles away while visiting.”

Mrs. Chair is planning to set up a reception committee that would try to make the Queen feel at home by dressing island residents as maids with white French aprons and hats and butlers with black Derby bowlers. It’s not too late, if anyone wishes to participate, email her at susan@beaugainkidding.com.

Worldwide celebrations of the Diamond Jubilee will continue through spring and early summer, culminating in a lavish ceremony in London on the anniversary of the June 1953 coronation.

Editor’s Note: This story was embargoed until April 1.